Bird Crap

                        

So, last night I went to see my brother and a friend perform at a club in Sacramento.  When the night was over, I went out to my car to leave only to discover an obscene amount of bird crap all over my car.  GROSS!!!  I get in my car only to see a dang flyer under my windshield wiper.  I get out of my car, grab it, get back in and look at real quick only to discover it was a parking ticket. **sigh**  So, I’m pissed at myself for getting a ticket and go ahead and pull out onto the roadway so I can head home.  Well, I stop at a red light and look over to see a guy trying to talk to me.  I couldn’t understand him so I rolled my window down and he said “headlights!” Aaarrrggghhh!!! I thanked him and I turned on my headlights.  I finally get home, park, and then start getting out of my car only to have it start rolling backward.  I didn’t put it into 1st gear nor did I set the emergency break (my car is a stick shift).  Seriously???? 

I swear, you’d think I was high or totally blasted, but I was completely sober!  This is just my klutzy and silly normal self! haha I hope you got a nice chuckle out of that because I know I sure did, especially now that I’m $47.50 poorer due to my parking violation! :)

Serial Obsessor

Serial Obsessor—by Alicia Bates


There she is.

She’s late.

I hate when she’s late.

Venti Peppermint Tuxedo, non-fat, and no whipped cream.

I get it ready for her, making sure it is the perfect temperature.

Not too hot.  I don’t want her to scald that perfect tongue.

Perfect tongue.

Licking perfect lips.

On a perfect face.

I make sure that when I present the coffee to her, her hand has to touch mine.

Her fingers gently, barely caress mine, a touch so light.

I look her in the eye and then I know this is the day.

She takes it.

Sits down.

Doesn’t look at me.

I adore the way she mindlessly sips her coffee while reading her book.

When she’s done, she tucks her book into her bag and tosses her coffee cup into the trash bin.

This is my moment with her, for her to be mine.

She leaves.

I follow her.

To her house.

I glide right up behind her as she unlocks the door of her house which is only one block from the café.

A citrus aroma flows from her skin and hair into my nose, my mind, my soul.

She stops when she feels my body resting against hers, so much warmth between us.

The keys drop.

Hold her tight.

Mouth covered.

I hold her so close while we place ourselves inside her house, seeking her bedroom.

I lay her down on her soft bed on the blue comforter which is placed messily at the bottom.

She is not moving and this is good because I need her to be still.

Need my knife.

So pretty.

Gleaming metal.

I raise her blouse and touch her warm, soft, fair skin.

I can see her chest move up and down as she slowly breathes.

The blade of the knife presses against her belly, not quite piercing through.

Slide the knife up.

Find her heart.

Slip the knife in.

Feeling the knife slowly force its way through her heart gratifies me, released.

Blood seeps out and rests on her skin and the blue comforter.

Sliding the knife slowly out of her stilled heart I watch as she lays still, perfection.

Forever mine.

Forever mine.

Forever mine.

Old Man Black

Old Man Black

by Alicia Bates


Poor Old Man Black,

struggling to walk across

the dilapidated sidewalk.

His cane wobbles as he spins,

spins in slow motion,

almost falling.


As daisies emit good things to their  

neighboring plants,

so does Old Man Black.  But, he infects

 those around him

with

sinister misery.


Old Man Black was a P.I. when

he was younger.

He could melt away into

the shadows; his eyes

capturing the worst parts of

people’s lives.


Secrets are what he held

inside his file folders,

inside his head.  Pulling those files

whenever he wanted something.

Striking fear into those who knew what

he knew.


Ruthless Old Man Black,

struggling to walk across

the dilapidated sidewalk.  Spinning so slowly,

he is noticing no one will help him.

They all know he will only bring them

sinister misery.

Vertical Face Plant

Ok, so I know I haven’t posted in a long time, and unfortunately, I’m going to be posting inconsistently until this summer due to my school and work schedule being so heavy. 

It’s also been awhile since I’ve shared one of my typical klutz moments, so here you go:

This last Friday, I had come home and after parking I went to the street to get my garbage and recycling cans back up into my driveway.  Well, it was an incredibly windy day so both cans had been knocked over.  I first went to the blue recycling can, which is the biggest size available.  I picked it up off the ground and began to walk toward the driveway.  I turned my head back toward the can and right at that moment the wind caught the lid of the can and it smacked me in the face really hard.  So hard, in fact, that my glasses were knocked off my face and had been completely bent out of shape. 

Of course, the first thing I did was look around to make sure that no one saw the recycling can attack me; There was no one around to see, at least I didn’t see anyone, but my glasses had been knocked off of my face so if anyone had seen, I probably wouldn’t have been able to tell since I need my glasses to see at a distance.

Now, I have a nice red mark on the side of my face at the bone around my left eye and I have a bruise that is roughly two inches in diameter.  Thankfully, the bruise is only noticeable if one knows to look for it.  But, ouch!, it sure does hurt pretty bad. :-/

**sigh** It was strange that I hadn’t had a bad injury since the debacle with my toe and the space heater (scroll down for post about the space heater). 

But, you know, I wouldn’t be me if I wasn’t constantly doing something klutzy and finding random bruises on myself. :)  At least it makes for some funny material to share with you!

Can a Phone Chastize a Person?

My friend sent me this message that she received from her friend.  I think it is pretty dang funny, and interesting in regard to our technology.

“Ok this is wierd. I think I just got scolded by my phone!!!! Siri :)
Well I asked her (Siri) a question and she said ” I don’t understand that. so I asked it again re phrasing the question she replied ” I don’t understand that. I thought I’d give it a try on[e] more time re wording the question she replied ” RONDA, (using my name) I said I don’t understand that question” I go[t] so scared I shut her off right then. LOL This is 100% true!”