June 2011
55 posts
Advice for Life
When there is someone in your life, whom you have no choice but to deal with, who seems to have nothing better to do than to cause problems for you, remember this: they are incredibly unhappy in their own life and can’t stand to see that you are happy and successful. In short, this person is just jealous of you. The best way to get back at them is not to stoop to their level, it is to rise...
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From True Grit
Cross-examining Lawyer: So, you say that when Amos Wharton raised his axe, you backed away from him.
Rooster Cogburn: That's right.
Cross-examining Lawyer: In what direction were you going?
Rooster Cogburn: Backwards. I always go backwards when I back up.
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What's the Difference?
I was walking around the neighborhood with my kids when my daughter says “What’s the difference between a car and an RV?”
I thought she was making up a joke so I said “I don’t know.”
I waited for the punchline, but it never came.
So, finally I asked her “So what is the difference?”
She shrugged her shoulders and it was then that I realized it...
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Star Trek Comics
My nephew gave these comics to my mom. I’m not a fan of Star Trek, but I can appreciate the nerdy coolness factor of these comics, especially considering they are in great condition and have a record inside.
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Headlights
I was driving home from the store with my boyfriend; he was commenting on how dark the streets are. I explained that the city, in order to save money, is keeping half of the street lamps off (great idea imo).
We turn onto my street and two blocks away driving toward me was a car with their brights on. I started complaining about it and saying that it was hard for me to see.
We finally pull...
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“Nothing says, ‘I’m a relaxed, important dude,’ like that...”
– Carlos—Bo’s Cafe by John Lynch et al.
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“Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value.”
– Albert Einstein
wbsloan asked: Thank you. I do have a copy of this hanging on a wall at my house. :)
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Feather Hair Clip
I’m going to totally age myself here when I say that I remember these feather hair clips from the ’80s. They were so fun to wear!
You can find them at Hot Topic, the source of my screen shot.
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Sexy Legs
Today I was at Target (shocker, I know), and I saw a guy wearing cut off jean shorts that were about five inches ABOVE his knee!
Guys, some advice: It doesn’t matter how attractive you are, how “with it” you think you are, or how sexy you think your legs are . . . it is NOT acceptable to wear cut off jean shorts; especially if they are above the knee!
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From Three's Company
Chrissy: You know, if women ran the world there'd be none of these stupid wars!
Stanley Roper: Yeah, all the countries would nag each other to death!
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I'm Gonna Need
The other day my mom was staying over at my house and she was looking up something on her laptop. She found whatever it was, but then she had to fill out some information.
Suddenly, she jumps up and says “If I gotta do that then I need some ice cream!”
Aah yes . . . ice cream makes everything easier, right?!?! lol
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Dad Cheated
My daughter decides to have a friend spend the night last night and I picked her up.
So, we are in the car on the way back to my house and the girl says “My mom and dad are divorced. My dad cheated on my mom with Melissa and my mom found out.”
Oooh . . . talk about awkward!!!
Private eye tells homeless man of inheritance -... →
Wow!!! What a blessing! I sure hope the family hires a financial planner for him though. Coming from destitution to suddenly having a ton of money can be a difficult thing to deal with. Hopefully, he can live out the rest of his life in modest comfort.
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Water
I was at a restaurant with a group of friends, and the waitress came up to one of my friends who had arrived a bit late, she had a pitcher of water in her hand and asked him, “Would you like some water . . . to drink?”
lol What other typical reason is there for someone to want water in a restaurant?!?!
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Yes, They Are Lame!
Look at the name these pleather pants have been given—Lame Black Fashion Legging. Wow!! They couldn’t have chosen a better adjective than lame for these pants! ;)
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“Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can’t...”
– George Burns
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From The Wedding Singer
[at a job interview for a bank]
Mr. Simms: Do you have any experience?
Robbie: No, sir, I have no experience but I'm a big fan of money. I like it, I use it, I have a little. I keep it in a jar on top of my refrigerator. I'd like to put more in that jar. That's where you come in.
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Is It Cheating?
If you play any of the variations of Scrabble, do you consider it cheating to use a word builder?
Personally, I don’t mind a word builder being used if one is really stuck. HOWEVER, I do not believe that one should use a word that they would not normally have known about. But, even with this rule of mine, there are exceptions that require using a word that is completely new to you, such...
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Karrots or Carrots???
My boyfriend works at a grocery store; a lady calls him over to the self-check and while greatly aggravated, she loudly complains that she has looked through all the Ks and cannot find the carrots.
Being the great guy that he is, he stifles his laughter and proceeds to the Cs on the screen and processes the carrots for her, never mentioning that carrots start with a C and not a K—well, at...
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“I don’t at all like knowing what people say of me behind my back. It makes...”
– Oscar Wilde
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From The Big Bang Theory
Sheldon: What is the best number? By the way, there's only one correct answer.
Raj: 5,318,008?
Sheldon: Wrong! The best number is 73. [Short silence] You're probably wondering why.
Leonard & Howard: No no, we're good.
Sheldon: 73, is the 21st prime number, it's mirror 37 is the 12th and it's mirror 21 is the product of multiplying, hang on to your hats, 7 and 3. Did I lie?
Leonard: We did it! 73 is the... Chuck Norris of numbers!
Sheldon: Chuck Norris wishes! In binary, 73 is a palindrome, 1001001, which backwards is 1001001, exactly the same. All Chuck Norris gets you backwards is Sirron Kcuhc!
Raj: Just for the record, when you enter 5,318,008 in a calculator, upside down it spells BOOBIES!
breakfast-cereals-declining-popularity-247:... →
:( I wish Corn Pops wasn’t on this list. Gotta have my Pops!!
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Angry Birds Rio
Because I’m on summer vacation, I’ve had just a little extra time on my hands. So, I used that time to get ALL of the golden fruit and ALL of the stars. lol Oh, the simplicity of summer! :)
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Bret Michaels or Not???
My brother (the guy in the middle with the brown shirt and black pants) has this friend (in the red bandana) who looks like Bret Michaels.
Do you think so?
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Hyde is at Walmart!!
My aunt saw this guy at Walmart and said that he not only looks like Hyde from That ’70s Show, he also had a Hyde-like attitude and just stood there the entire time.
I think he looks like Hyde, but that cigarette hanging out of his mouth and that hair makes him look like a wanna-be Slash.
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Oh, the Irony!
This is an incredibly ironic and hilarious facebook posting from a friend of mine:
“My cat threw up in the aquarium!”
hahahahahaha
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Scrabblejacked Is Now On Urban Dictionary →
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God and Sin
Check out the words that were played, craziness!!!
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Coffee Mugs
This is my favorite coffee mug because it’s a White Castle mug that my mom bought for me when she was in Indiana visiting her mom.
Take a picture of your favorite coffee mug and post it here!
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Scrabblejacked!
So, Urban Dictionary accepted by submission of the word I created, scrabblejacked. Woohoo! I’m famous!! haha jk ;)
Here’s the e-mail they sent to me:
Thanks for your definition of scrabblejacked!
Editors reviewed your entry and have decided to publish it on urbandictionary.com.
It should appear on this page in the next few...
